celebrating a treasure...

today she is five.

every day she brightens my life.

she greets each day with excitement and joy.

she refuses to eat a sandwich without dismantling

it first.

she skips rather than walks.

she always has pockets full of acorns and glass. 

she slept in a santa hat for an entire year.

she kicks my seat in the car relentlessly.

her face is the first thing i see each morning.

and i wouldn't change one. single. thing. 

about her.

happy birthday to our treasure.

Gladys Kravitz would be proud.

i've been so neglectful. not to all things.

but to the greater world of binary communication like 

blogging, yes.
instagram is my quick fix.

seeing images of other peoples' lives is a really

seductive thing for me. it's like pre-meditated voyeurism.  

sanctioned sneak-a-peaks. romanced reality.

here's mine.

http:instagram.com/penelopelea  

most humble student...

"If you don't push yourself to failure,

you don't know how far you can go." dean karnazes

watching these two and thinking that if i 

could just try for a few moments each day to 

live without fear of failure; my life would be a 

whole lot closer to the way i imagine it could be.

nearly everything i would like to change is only 

held back by me.  fear, worry, self-consciousness,

ego, judgement.  

i was just thinking 'tomorrow is another day',

but that's not the best way at all.

that's how i shoot myself in the foot.

i need a rubber band on my wrist to pop myself 

every time i think about starting fresh tomorrow and

 remember to relish this moment, it's my life.

it's trigger's stick.

marvin's nap.

my guru's:

(now, if i can just quit being a putz and practice what they preach) 

crystal clear....

what if we'd gone for mexican?

what if i'd not held out my hand for

everyone else to choose their cookie first?

what if....

i had gone through life without the clarity of 

fortune cookie sageness?

brautigan days...

leaden, gray, cloudy days always make me think of

richard brautigan. maybe because i discovered him

while i was living in oregon many moons ago. oregon 

schooled me on many things; starting with fenders

on bikes in perpetual rain and ending with the

beauty of brautigan.

this weather suits him perfectly.  

“Gee, You're so Beautiful That It's Starting to Rain

Oh, Marcia,
I want your long blonde beauty
to be taught in high school,
so kids will learn that God
lives like music in the skin
and sounds like a sunshine harpsicord.
I want high school report cards
to look like this:

Playing with Gentle Glass Things
A

Computer Magic
A

Writing Letters to Those You Love
A

Finding out about Fish
A

Marcia's Long Blonde Beauty
A+!

 1)my favorite nest this winter 

2)my mystery spinach.  i planted it, but damned if i

remember what it's called...bought it from bulk jar at

the feed store. threw a bunch of it in some soup tonight.

3)first camellia of the year. 

my smart friend....

"I have found that when life sends you an invitation to a Pity Party it's always best to RSVP a decisive 'No, thank you.' Yes, the thought seems appealing...but the food, company, and attire are invariably sub-par. And they are Very Difficult to Leave."

this was my friend, susan's, facebook status this morning.

she's a (maybe)accidental genius at knowing where humor

is the best bandaid.

  

 just made reservations to go back here in a few weeks....

loads to be thankful for.

around the corner..

i do this every year.  you would think that all of the reminders

to 'be here, be now' i would do a better job of it.  but, no.

i'm itching for summer again. looking out the upstairs windows down onto the garden.  making dirt wrapped plans. leafy dreams.

texas is such a tease.  she slips us peeks of leggy temps

beneath winter dresses.  i'm just about ready for her

to strip it all off, full monty in all of her sunny glory.

so long, summer

cold-front coming thursday.

these things never inch up on you like the tide will when

you're preoccupied.

in texas, weather changes hit you like a rogue wave.

you can walk in the front door out of the heat,

then straight out the back into sweater weather.

no lie.

goodbye, summer. we had our moments but it's time

we both moved on. i hope next time we meet you've

taken some deep breaths, mellowed and tempered yourself a bit.

i'll do the same.

kisses,

penny.

sacred dusk...

i'm from texas. i know heat. heat is my

soul's familiar. i don't shirk it. deny it.

curse it. though,this summer i cry, 'uncle'.

i give.

i anticipate dusk like no other time of day.

the horizon turning off the flame.

a) brazos around chick's bend at dusk

b)over the brazos after sangria

c)trigger watching the catfish eat

positively maybe

we recently decided on a new color palette for our house and had it painted. i swear, it was a more difficult decision than naming our children. they seemed to name themselves but the 'old lady' house refused to be forthcoming with any preference as to what colors she would like to spend the next decade in.

in the process of trying to choose colors, i got in the habit of checking out other old house colors on my walks around the neighborhood. there was a particular house i really liked. all cool blues and purple-ish greys. the owner was standing the yard as i walked by the other night. i stopped to tell her how much i liked it.

"uck", she said. "i hate green houses", gesturing her hose towards the house while she watered. "the sun and weather faded it to this green and i can't stand it." so, i'm thinking, this house is blue. i mean, clear-as-day blue. "it seems like a nice blue-ish color", i said all diplomatic-like. "what?! worst. green. ever.", she frowned.

so this got me thinking about times when i don't have a shade of doubt about my position. my recollection. my idea. my knowledge. i argued for hours about whether or not a coffee table was alive, for christ's sake. you know, you're having dinner with friends and your husband/friend/lover. later on, the two of you discuss something that was chatted about that evening. how can he remember it like that?! that's not the way it happened at all!

well, what if you're wrong?

what if it didn't happen any particular way and how we each experience it is the end-all accurate truth? what if i spent a lot less effort and time defending my perception and more time hearing how everyone else sees it? what if i'm nearly always wrong?

my neighbor walks in the door of a green house every evening after work. i walk by her blue house and wave while she waters. what color house do the folks across the street see in the morning as they have coffee? what color house does the mailman deliver to everyday?

you tell me.

alright, well i don't blog in winter. i don't shave much or make fruit-type desserts, either. tonight i heard a cricket. a real, live, gorgeous, summer sounding cricket. watch out. i'm sharpening the razor, kickin' out the rolling pin and popping my knuckles to get back on the blog train.

chili domination......

5:30 am involuntary beginning of day.

6:00 am feel like a slug crossed with a sloth crossed with a gharial

7:00 am thoughts becoming more appropriate

8:14 am decide to enter chili cook-off

9:16 am at store, list of ingredients at home

11:10 am chili complete, one eye is burning

2:00 pm internal debate to take a nap or eat some halloween candy

2:15 pm still awake, feel kind of sick

3:00 pm off to chili cook-off. quick stop at fiesta for bowls, good luck candles (cheating),

and beer

6:45 pm congratulatory photo taken with winner's ladle and two charming gift baskets

8:30 pm adoration from family trying to score chocolate from winner's basket.

8:32 pm hide chocolate in mud room

my adaptation of...

pierce street veggie chili

2 tbsp. olive oil

1 large onion, chopped

12 garlic cloves, chopped

1 tbsp. ginger, peeled and grated

3 tbsp. san antonio chili powder

2 tsp. cumin

1 serrano pepper, seeded and finely chopped

4 chipotle peppes w/ adobo, chopped (i also added as much of the adobo as i could spoon out)

1 28 oz can crushed tomatoes

8 cups broth

2 cans hominy, drained

2 1/4 cups black, brown or green lentils (i used combo of green and black)

2/3 cup pearled barley

2/3 cup bulgar wheat

1-2 tsp. smoked salt (i used alderwood smoked)

In large stockpot, over med. heat saute onions in olive oil. when translucent, add

garlic, ginger, chili powder and cumin. stir and cook until fragrant. stir in serrano,

chipotle pepper, tomatoes,and broth. now add hominy, lentils, barley, and bulgur.

stir. i began adding the smoked salt here and kept adding and adjusting as it

cooked. simmer for about an hour until grains and lentils are cooked. as it cooks

you might need to add additional broth or water. i needed to make sure this was

very chili-like and thick, but next time i make it for the family i will add more to

be a bit more soupy.

*i made chipotle guacamole to top it with. holy guacamole it was good. just add

some of the left-over canned chipotle peppers, chopped, of course, to your guac.

i also offered a dollop of crema if someone was scared of the heat. this is a pretty

spicy chili. adjust the pepper amounts as you feel like. you can get a little less

heat if you use only 1 or 2 chipotles and scoop out the adobo to add without the

actual peppers.

there just aren't words....

to describe how much i adore where i grew up. this sunday was the perfect

fall day and we embraced and loved every single second of it.

we went to my folks' place and promptly set off for a hike with the boys.

you could feel fall in the air, but it would have been impossible

not to strip down and go for a dip in the cold, clear pools left from all

the rain we've had. i've waxed poetic before about taking them places that

were sacred to me as a kid. watching them discover the secret caves and hidden pools

my brothers and i explored and swam in 30 years ago.

listen~ there is that satisfying click from the universe again.

blessed. lucky. thankful. that these places are still there, just like they were for me.

my first....

i found my first arrowhead. it's translucent and beautiful. when you hold it up to the light it has tiny little dark spots in it that joe thinks make it look like a tomato with the seeds. i love texas.

float the swim, walk the bike, crawl the run

i did my first triathlon this past weekend and I didn't need any kind of medical attention, iv fluids, laying on of hands, or divine intervention.  well, at least i think i did it without divine assistance but who can be sure. 

*****************************************************************

my brother remembered some 'fine' liquors that he had 'found'.  

clearly, they needed to be tasted before something

as important as my first race.  what if i drowned and never knew 

what rare cream sherry tastes like?

as is evidenced by the tiny bandage on my thumb, ie: my shifting finger,

i also competed with a finger handicap.  we figured that i would be in so many other kinds of pain that i probably wouldn't be thinking much about my thumb. 

this is the lake at some ungodly hour of the morning, not long before the race began.  

it didn't seem like i was the only one who thought the course buoys were really unreasonably far from the shore.  nice sunrise, though. 

number 984.  i felt good about that number.  an odd number to start then two nice even numbers, one half of the other.  probably represents something or other.  seemed like it meant i might not drown, which was my theme fear of the race.  WAY above sunburn or humiliation. 

scary.  that's the buoy WAY out there on the horizon.  then we hooked a right and went to another buoy and then back to shore.